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It’s inevitable. Let’s face it, at least once in your life you’re going to lock your keys inside your car. And more than likely, it will be at my diner. While I’m working. When everything else is closed and there is no one to help you. Except me.

I’ve done it. It was embarrassing, sure. I tried not to tell anyone about it. I’m sure your mom and dad have done it, no matter how awesome and organized they may seem. Maybe your husband or your sister, or your children. I’d bet that 100% of all car owners have done it. At least once.

If anyone makes it through life without locking their keys in their life, even once, I’d like to meet them. Just so I can look them right in the eye and call them a liar.

The first time I ever did it, I was in a rush to clean a house. Back then, I worked Saturdays cleaning vacation condos between the check out of one family, and the check in of another. Not a glorious job, but it paid pretty well, cash handed over at the end of the afternoon. And it was only one day out of the week.

This particular day, the lady who ran the cleaning business had trusted me enough to let me go clean a place by myself. And behold! The magnificent me locked my keys and all the cleaning supplies in my car!!!! Yay me!

To make a long story short, the place had a supply of it’s own cleaning products. I used those while I waited for an hour for the roadside assistance guy to show up. After that, I have been more than paranoid about my keys. There was a second time this happened to me, withing the last year, but that wasn’t so much my fault. I had hooked the keys to the belt loop of my jeans, but either I missed or the hook was broken, because they ended up on the seat while the doors slammed shut.

In both cases, I had someone who was able to come out and help me. My mom brought me my spares for the second incident, even though she took longer than that guy from the roadside assistance company. But at least I had help.

I’ve come across two people so far, who haven’t had any help at all… Except for me. Not that I’ve got a kit or anything to help me do it. Because I don’t. I have the most random tools ever.

The first time, I was at work and one of the girls leaving the dinner shift couldn’t find her keys. There was a large scale search for a good hour or so, before everyone gave up and declared the inevitable. She’d locked them in her car.

And the gist of this story, is basically, that there were no spares and there was no one she could call to help. So, instead, we set out on an adventure to try and get her keys back. Luckily for us, it was a pretty dead night at work, so Kiwi was okay inside by herself.

It had to have been winter, because I remember it was pretty cold outside. I went in at some point to get my sweatshirt. Being the creative weirdo that I am, I decided that we could use the roadsigns I have in my car to help prop the door open.

Please, don’t ask any questions about these signs. If you do, I’ll pretend I don’t know you, or what you’re talking about.

Anyway. The signs were pulled out, the wire hanger was found and untwisted, and the battle began. I failed. The girl from dinner shift failed. Lion failed. Our friend who doesn’t work with us failed. We just all failed. It was not happening.

Eventually, we decided that this girl was going home in a taxi, and that if anything were to happen where I got her car open, I’d just give her a call. And wouldn’t you know it, a truck load of my BMXers came to eat. And being the handy-dandy-tool freaks that they are, we set out again.

It took about five of us, two road signs, a turned over recycling trash can, and a thick piece of wire from some tomato plant to finally pull it off. And oh! We hooted and celebrated and we won! We got the door open and I got the keys! It was a victory to cherish forever!

But of course, it couldn’t be the only incident to happen. Someone else had to come along and one up this story.

A regular customer of mine, forever known as Miss Tea, was in one night with a friend. It was about two or so in the morning, and she’d also locked her keys inside of her truck. The best part was that you could see her keys on the seat. And the driver side window was cracked, but not enough to pass a hang through.

I’d asked if she could call her parents and get spare keys, but she was afraid to wake them up and make them mad. So then, I asked if she wanted a ride to her house so she could just get the spares herself.

Nope. Her house key was on the set of keys in the truck. Which, as I said, was locked.

And she didn’t think there were any unlocked windows. So, we were left with nothing to do. I must have said something about finding someone to help her, because the next thing I know, Miss Tea is all excited.

“I did what you said,” she said with a smile. She held up her iPhone. “I went all creeper on Facebook and found someone who was awake.”

This someone in question happens to be a member of the BMXers, who was there during the previous incident. He was on his way over with a hanger and a few flash lights. His name can be Skinny, until I think of something better. (Why? He wears girl pants, that’s why.)

So after a little while I finish up with the last table that I have for the moment, and go outside to check on things. Miss Tea’s friend is camped out in the bed of the truck, and Miss Tea is pacing around. Skinny had arrived, along with his hanger, and is currently fishing around through the crack in the window.

And what is the first thing I see? Skinny, wearing pants cut off into an awkward style of shorts, with large ripped holes in the ass. And his bright red boxers sticking out of those holes, highlighting his (to my surprise) rather round butt cheeks.

“Nice shorts.” I walked to where he was standing.

“Thanks,” he answered, with that goofy smile of his.

I couldn’t resist, and took a few pictures.

But then it was down to business. Skinny tried fishing the keys up by pulling the sweatshirt they were sitting on through the window. As expected, the keys fell onto the seat. BUT! We got the sweatshirt, and Miss Tea’s headphones!

Then, I tried fishing the keys out with the hanger. And success!! I had them! And in my excitement, I started doing a little dance, and promptly dropped the keys out of sight and onto the floor.

I FELT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

A large amount of time was spent trying to loop the hanger around the door handle so we could pull it open. That wasn’t working. We spent a good half hour or so out there trying different things, until finally, I thought I could see the keys after all.

So I tried again, and got the keys up close, and they fell once more. Skinny tried catching the keys with his fingers through the crack in the window, but our timing was off. Until the last attempt, where he actually got the keys and it was all over with.

THEN I celebrated again, feeling as though I had redeemed myself. And ever since then, I have kept that hanger in my backseat. Just in case someone ever needs it again. (Miss Tea has told me that she locked her keys in the truck again, while at the diner. But I wasn’t working so I missed this event.)